Hormones...

So here I am in the Valley, Southern California, and you know, I never understood the whole game thing. I mean there's a point to it, wanting what you can't have, then having it and having the option of realizing if you truly want it or not.

But really?! If the energy between two people is completely cohesive, then why not go with it? Our instinct tells us to ignore our hearts and lead with hormones, ergo the game of cat and mouse.

I went on-line in search of love. Crazy right?! I mean go on any gay dating site and all you have in your face is a bunch of attractive sexually appetizing models ready to feed you eight inches of raw meat? I mean really?! I get it, we are all horny, but jeez. . . which brings me to my on-line dating reference. I posted an ad, and decided not to post a picture, to save face, if you will. I would rather meet someone who isn't interested in my looks and more interested in what I have to offer right?! This is LA, and people tend to be somewhat plastic, not all, just generalizing. In real life, one needs another to have substance. .Well, after viewing countless personal ads, I find two that seem promising. I'm looking for someone who wants sex all the time right?! but not on the first date. Everyone here just wants me to jump in their car for a quickie, so to speak. All that leads to sex-games, heartache and frustration. I don't need that.

After a few e-mails, I decide to take it to the next level: Instant Messaging.

OK this is the part that drives me crazy!!

Why do people make themselves out to be approachable on-line, but take five minutes to get a sentence out?? Only when they are more anxious than me, do they seem more talkative via keyboard, than the other way around. I mean WTF?? Talk about a convoluted crisis...

You either want to chat or not. Then stupid me decides to wait and wait and see if he'll be on-line, only to find him on-line but unreachable or non responsive to conversation. Is this the truth behind real Internet dating?? Probably not, I should just try meeting people out there in the real world. Here's the kicker, this guy goes to the same educational institution (college) (it just sounded better in my head) as I, is studying the same field as I, yet we never met. What would the chances be that I managed to find this person on-line? Serendipity or coincidence?? Probably hormones. . .

After doing some foot work, I find out he is in the classroom next to mine.

He looked older in real life, than that of his posted picture; the sound of his voice wasn't attractive, and let me just say this guys: men or guys (who pass off as men), better have a SEXY, MASCULINE tone and demeanor, (I don't judge, to each their own, but if I wanted to date a girl, I would, I don't do that queenie shit...)

needless to say, we eventually made the 'eye contact' exchange in passing (slyly planned by me) and I played it off as if I didn't know he existed. What makes it even juicier of a coincidence, this guy (I don't even remember his name) became all Buddy buddy with my closeted-ex-boyfriend's mom, who was in my class (ex's mom)... and she's his adoptive mom, who adopts someone at 23? (That ex is a whole other story) Maybe she knows about her 'son' and is trying to set him up...I know right?!

And all this from placing a stupid ad on this site Adam4Adam, which I think is a waste.

Throughout my experiences, most guys tend to run away. The only time I walked away was when I felt neglected in the relationship and knew there wasn't room for growth. Bleak I know, but it is what it is.

I find myself sexually frustrated from day to day, longing for that sexual gratification from the ideal partner right? Yet I don't seek it for the sake of sexual romantic sustenance. It's the fact that I'm still living at home in a one bedroom apartment doesn't facilitate my cause.

All in time, and I just need to get out.

Let's face it Internet dating isn't for people on a time crunch, or people lacking social skills. Internet dating is for booty-calls and hook-ups, not true love.

I don't knock it because I despise, I knock it because I've been there, done that, and moved on. It's time for the real thing.

Guess it's time to get off the instant messenger, and get on with the living.

Here's my motto folks,

"I don't solicit myself, just meet me when you can."

Let's see what tomorrow has to say...