Jesus and the Fountain of Youth...

Where do I even begin??

What part of I'm not interested in conversing don't certain individuals understand?

Do I have a sign on me that reads, "Talk to me if you have something stupid to say"?
I mean really people. Needless to say, instinctively by nature I'm nice, so I just go with the flow, that is, until I get really uncomfortable in the situation. I mean uncomfortable to the point where I become an asshole. By which I mean, I don't give in to bullshit, stupidities or unoriginal dumb-dumbs. I choose to not allow myself to be in those 'sticky-itchy' situations (avoiding them). If a person I don't fancy too much approaches me with the desire to give me a welcoming embrace (hug) and I choose not to, I won't. Why? Why not?! If I'm clearly not feeling the person, why should I 'put on a face' for the sake of looking good? I'd rather it looks like it looks, than to endure a second of being in contact with negative or dirty energy. By defending my personal space, I channel less energy about that individual.
Travel back in time to 1994, I was in the fifth grade. The class was putting on the 5th grade show. Well this girl Lauren, (I will spare her last name for the sake of respect) from elementary school through middle school she was pretty fucked up, considering how mean she could be...demeanor and all... Let me just tell you, in the sixth grade, this girl pushed me in front of a bus. and yelled to the bus driver, "Run him over!!" Clearly everything was fine, it's just the principle!!!
So here's the story...
Towards the end of the year (5th grade), things were going a bit sour with Lauren and me. The 'Broadway Review' (our show) was a day or two away and we were growing apart, we weren't very fond of each other. .. [Now let me tell you, it sounds like we're best friends but we never were. Lauren was the tall, pretty, mischievous girl that fit in with all the kids. If she wanted to bully you, she could and would.]
It's the night of our show, and I really wanted to be friends with her at this point, but she's still too mean. whatever. We fight, she pushes me, I kick her in the shins, and then the lights flash and we have to go to our places - behind the curtain this all happened. She told me she was going to crush my hand during the curtain call. I believe her words were along the lines of, " I will crush your hand..." that sounds traumatizing to a fifth grader. fucking cunt! So we do our scenes, songs and dances, then we need to do our bow.
If you know about putting on shows in school, the bow is one of the most important parts of the end of the show. So Lauren and I are supposed to join both sides by holding hands or something.
Can you believe in front of a crowded auditorium I would not grab her hand. I tried to avoid grabbing her hand, and moved away inch by inch...it looked really bad. I looked racist. People said I wouldn't hold her hand because she was black. I mean really?! Don't even play that card when your ten years old! I saw the video and it looked worse than how I felt. None of the teachers cared about what my reason was. Can you believe it? Nonetheless, she ended up smacking me after the curtain closed. I tell you complete bullshit!! At that age I was able to know the difference between energy and mean people.

Fast forward to now..2009.
Welcome back.
You see where I'm coming from? People may have thought I was racist, but they never knew the truth. This isn't about race, it's about principle.

Well this morning a man or pastor comes into my store. I ring him up, check the store, and take my ten minute break. He comes up to me and asks me, "Have we spoken before??" to which I reply, "I don't know, have we?" LOL !ROTF!! I mean really?! Was this a pick-up line, cause he's a little too mature for my taste. I mean eew! OK So I play it coy..his next words were, "Have you taken Jesus into your heart?" I'm like really?! "Um no. no thank you sir" suffice it to say, I told him I could be rude, but I wanted to be nice to him..jeez is it because maybe he's a patron?
Talk about proselytism!!! I mentioned I'm Jewish, he didn't care. I told him I grew up orthodox and he didn't care. I told him I'm into Jewish Mysticism and he still didn't care! I mean can't a guy take a hint?! I was really happy I finished my cigarette, because that meant I could politely walk away and pseudo-end my break. I don't think I ever met a man so pro-Jesus, that felt he had to make everyone around him follow his beliefs. He even bragged about how he turned one of his Jewish friends into a Jews for Jesus...I mean really? I get it. I get why people approach others in such a manner, and the reasons behind it, but really? I said no to Jesus the first five times he asked..why did he insist on badgering?
Jesus!

And then two days ago, in the morning, a guy comes in and orders a mocha. . .
He seemed kinda quiet, so I thought I'd make conversation. I liked his hat, so I commented on how cool it was. then there was a pause. and without missing a beat, he leans in and says, "You know my dick is the fountain of youth"...I tried to say something back but I just kept stuttering and blushing...I had to go to the back room and talk to my boss. I mean Who says that?!?!? What should I have said?
something like, "Well if you are, how come you look so old..." but that's mean..or should I have said, "Well do you drink from tap?" ..I know gross...What can I say, if it's not one extreme it's another. Hey, I wasn't the one talking about the walking fountain of youth that hides in my pants OK! I'm just saying...
Aah! Don't you just love people??

So have you taken Jesus into your heart? if not, my dick is the fountain of youth!
Yeah..that fucker's on MY list!!!......asshole!

The Ambiguous Crush

I have an ambiguous crush, that's it. Plain and simple.
Ambiguous crush. I just like the way it sounds.

Exotic, quixotic, and slightly hypnotic, in the way we connect, yet hesitate to connect with one another on the level which we supposedly choose to avoid, yet not devoid from the truths we have inside.

It's that reminiscence of high school childhood, and the times of the innocent crush. And the I-can't-wait-to-see-you-feeling, with the butterflies. except for the time being it's all pretty much one sided.

I can tell you we are in a very very serious relationship right now, he just doesn't know yet, and that's ok with me, I don't mind building the foundation of our beloved relationship. Ha! Oh reality, don't you love the reality of it all.

I can't stare too long, because then he'll know.
He'll know what I don't want him to know that I know he might know...feel me?
I'm not letting him think anything about my sexuality without him having to find a reason to bring it up. Maybe some people just don;t identify with labels. I mean, labels are for cans and closets are for clothes. Own your shit or go home. The lines get blurred and we become complacent where we stand. For the time being, I can't put any lines out which may get blurred.
Have to ride it out...
After all, it's my ambiguous crush..